The healing process
When I left my husband I discovered a long time ago that the healing process would be slow and very painful. When my mother came to get me I was a disaster. I cried a lot, I slept constantly, and I still hated myself. I had learned while I was married that the best way to avoid pain and problems was for me to sleep. I had to learn to stop doing that when I went back home, and that was hard. I couldn’t talk about my marriage with family or friends with out crying, or instantly starting to doze off. My mother helped me out a lot then. She wouldn’t let me sleep to escape the pain, but she didn’t push me to talk about it either.
Instead of sleeping I learned how to detach myself from the pain and problems. At the time that worked for me, because it allowed me to begin putting my life back in order. I started going back to school in Jan. of 2000 and things looked like they were starting to come back to normal. My divorce was finalized in February of 2000 and I was a lot happier. If people asked about my marriage I’d talk to them about it, but I refused to deal with the pain and confusion inside. Once i was alone it was different though. Once I was alone I stopped being detached and I’d cry. I cried a lot for the first six months or so, but I finally got into a faze where I was stable and things were going OK.
I moved back out of my parents house in June of 2000 and moved in with a friend. Christy and I knew eachother, though as we lived together we learned a lot mor about eachother. Living with Christy was nice. We talked, we had a lot of fun, but we also did things on our own.
I started school again in July, but I was having problems. I was sick a lot, and my migraines were so bad I was sick to my stomach, and it was also effecting my vision. I wasn’t safe to travel with my dog and I knew it. What made things worse, was when I made myself go to school anyway, it made things even worse. The pain was so bad I couldn’t keep my head up in my classes, and I was failing most of my classes. It finally got so bad that I had to either drop my classes or fail them. Devision of blind services wouldn’t let me to to school part time, and keep my financial aid, so I dropped all of the classes.